How Couples Can Have a Positive Holiday Season and Avoid Negative Emotional Cycles

Elizabeth Moore • December 23, 2024

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Thriving as a couple this Holiday Season

A man and a woman are sitting under a blanket holding cups of coffee. Couple celebrating the holidays
The holiday season is often seen as a time for joy, love, and celebration. However, for many couples, the holidays can also bring stress, frustration, and even arguments. With all the financial pressures, family dynamics, and unrealistic expectations, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed. There are some common challenges couples face during the holidays, and I want to share simple tips to help you stay intentional and avoid falling into negative emotional cycles. By focusing on what truly matters and communicating with each other, you can make this holiday season a time for bonding and happiness.

Common Stressors Couples Face During the Holidays

1. Financial Stress

One of the biggest stressors during the holidays is money. The cost of gifts, travel, food, and decorations can quickly add up. Many people feel the pressure to spend more than they can afford, which can lead to stress and arguments between partners. The financial burden can put a lot of strain on a relationship if not managed carefully. It's important for continued communication and clear expectations.


2. Family Expectations and Dynamics

During the holidays, couples often have to balance time between their own family and their partner’s family. This can lead to disagreements about where to spend the holidays, what traditions to follow, and how much time to spend with each family. Family dynamics can be complicated, and differing views on how to celebrate can cause tension between partners. It's important when you visit each other's families that you feel like your partner has your back. I suggest talking about how you can support each other and want to be supported at each other's family get-togethers.


3. Unrealistic Expectations

Movies and advertisements often show the holidays as perfect, with families having flawless celebrations, beautiful gifts, and happy moments. However, these expectations can leave couples feeling disappointed when things don’t go exactly as planned. Whether it’s a dinner that doesn’t turn out as expected or a family gathering that goes wrong, unmet expectations can lead to frustration and stress. Set realistic expectations and a plan for a way out or a secrete word when it's time to go.

Christmas party with family and friends cheersing

The holidays can be an emotional rollercoaster. One moment, you’re happy and excited, and the next, you’re stressed and frustrated. It’s easy to fall into negative emotional cycles where small issues turn into bigger arguments. Recognizing these cycles early is important to avoid letting them ruin the holiday season.


The Importance of Awareness and Communication


The first step in breaking negative cycles is becoming aware of your feelings. If you or your partner start feeling irritated or overwhelmed, take a moment to reflect. Are your expectations too high? Are you both feeling stressed? Talking openly with each other about how you’re feeling can prevent small issues from turning into bigger problems. Clear communication is key to staying connected and avoiding unnecessary conflict.


Keep checking in with yourself and your stress levels and check in with your partner a bit more often than you normally would. 

How to Break Negative Emotional Cycles

Tips for Couples to Stay Positive During the Holidays

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Building a Stronger Relationship During the Holidays

Foster Empathy and Patience

The holidays can test your patience, but they also offer a chance to build empathy in your relationship. When things go wrong or stress builds up, try to respond with kindness and understanding. If one partner is feeling stressed or upset, the other can offer support rather than reacting with frustration. Small gestures of empathy can strengthen your bond and help you handle tough moments together.


Celebrate Each Other, Not Just the Holidays

Remember that the holidays are about celebrating your relationship and enjoying each other’s company. Rather than focusing on the external pressures to make everything perfect, take time to appreciate each other. Reflect on what you’re grateful for and find joy in spending time together. Celebrating your connection is what makes the season special. Take time to just cuddle in the colder weather. Go to bed earlier as it gets darker. Also, a reminder to put your phones down and bring your attention to your partner a bit more this holiday season.

A man and a woman are sitting on the floor in front of a christmas tree looking at a laptop.

The holiday season doesn’t have to be a time of stress and arguments. By setting realistic expectations, creating your own traditions, communicating openly, and prioritizing your relationship, you can avoid falling into negative emotional cycles. The holidays are not about perfection—they’re about making memories and celebrating your connection. With these tips, you and your partner can enjoy a positive, fulfilling holiday season that brings you closer together.

Take some time to reflect on your goals for the holidays, talk with your partner, and focus on what really matters. By working together, you can make this season one to remember for all the right reasons. 

I encourage you to try to do one thing differently this season. 
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