The Ultimate Pre-Baby Communication Checklist

Okay, let's find a comfortable time and place to sit down together, free from distractions. Let's get comfy. I invite you to approach these topics with curiosity and an open mind. Remember,....you are on the same team!

Parenting Philosophies & Styles

Your approaches to parenting are shaped by your own childhoods and values. Getting on the same page now can prevent future conflict.

1. What did we appreciate about how our parents raised us? What would we do differently?
2. How will we make major parenting decisions (e.g., sleep training, feeding methods, discipline)?
3. What are our core values, and how do we want to pass them on to our child?
4. How do we feel about screen time, sugar, and other lifestyle choices for our kids?

Part 2: Division of Labor

Life with a newborn is demanding. Clearly defining roles and responsibilities can reduce stress and prevent resentment from building up.

1. How will we divide nighttime duties like feeding and comforting the baby?
2. Who will be responsible for daily chores like laundry, cooking, and cleaning? Will we re-evaluate this after the baby arrives?
3. Who will manage baby-related tasks like scheduling doctor's appointments, buying diapers, and organizing supplies?
4. How will we handle returning to work and managing childcare logistics?

Part 3: Financial Planning

A new baby brings new expenses. A transparent financial plan is key to feeling secure as a growing family.

1. What is our new monthly budget, including baby-related costs like diapers, formula, and childcare?
2. How will we adjust our savings and long-term financial goals (e.g., college fund, retirement)?
3. Who will be in charge of paying bills and managing the family budget?
4. What are our views on spending for baby gear? Where can we save, and where do we want to splurge?

Part 4: Our Support System

You don't have to do this alone. Identifying your support network ahead of time makes it easier to ask for help when you need it most.

1. Who can we call for practical help (like bringing a meal) or emotional support?
2. How do we feel about visitors in the first few weeks? What boundaries do we need to set with family and friends?
3. What expectations do we have for each other in the first few weeks and afterward?
4. Are we open to professional help, such as a postpartum doula, lactation consultant, or therapist?
5. How do we handle conversations with family when boundaries are ignored?
6. What do we need to feel supported by each other when caring for our baby?
7. If Post-partum depression were to affect a partner, how can we communicate and manage hard days?

Part 5: Nurturing Our Relationship & Ourselves

With a new baby, it's easy to forget about your own needs and your connection as a couple. Prioritizing self-care and couple-care is essential.

1. How will we make sure we each get personal time to rest and recharge?
2. How can we continue to connect as a couple? Can we schedule regular date nights, even if they're at home?
3. How will we communicate when we feel overwhelmed, tired, or resentful?
4. What does "I need a break" look like for each of us, and how can we support that?
5. How will we maintain intimacy and our physical relationship after the baby is born?
6. Outside of baby's needs, what do you need from your partner to feel cared for after giving birth?

How to Use These Questions Effectively

• Listen to Understand: Focus on hearing your partner's perspective, not just on waiting for your turn to speak. Validate their feelings, even if you don't agree.
• Be Flexible: These conversations are a starting point. Your plans and feelings may change once the baby arrives, and that's okay. The key is to keep talking.
• Stay Positive: Frame the conversation as an exciting step in building your family. You're a team designing your future together.
• **Weekly Check-ins:** Chatting and reflecting with your partner weekly helps you both adjust as new parents. It also strengthens your teamwork. It can help to review these questions, make changes, and ask your partner for support for next week.

Remember.... parenthood is a marathon, not a sprint. Investing time in these talks now helps you build skills for good communication. It also fosters mutual understanding and sets shared expectations. This way, you become stronger, more connected, and resilient co-parents.

For additional information look at:

https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-transition-to-parenthood-relationship-tips-for-new-parents/